Betty Boop for President USA, NR, 7 m, 1932
As the 2008 race for the American presidency approaches its finish line, I’m growing more apprehensive about the certain instatement of either John McCain or Barack Obama into the oval office. In a few months, one of these double-talking knuckleheads might have some folks pining for the good ol’ days of the Bush administration. But thank the 22nd Amendment for term limits; I don’t think the country could withstand another four years of Dubya. An impossibly dark pall hangs over this unfortunate fellow (not since Roosevelt has a prez been dealt such a brutal hand of cards), but the Republican and Democrat nominees seeking his seat aren’t promising the kind of change I’m interested in. As someone who cares about preserving the integrity of the Constitution, I’m naturally a Bob Barr booster, but the day the Libertarians succeed in putting a man (or woman) in the White House will probably be the day when Christopher Hitchens swears off the fire water or when Barney Frank starts banging beaver or when Al Sharpton stops conking his hair. Look, I suppose if you were to force me into choosing between the two major parties’ puppets, er, candidates, I’d have to go with McCain; he’s a man of scrupulous character (being tortured for five and a half years in a POW camp would probably crumble my resolve) and he doesn’t turn a blind eye to infanticide. But I seriously doubt he’ll manage to get much of anything done in Washington in regards to Roe v. Wade, so I might as well be casting my ballot for Mickey Mouse or Man-Thing or Betty Boop. Ms. Boop’s creators, the Fleischer Brothers, must’ve felt the same kind of cynicism with the contest between FDR and incumbent Herbert Hoover in 1932, so they fantasized about an election in which everyone’s favorite free-wheeling flapper won the presidency and used her power to inspire the Congress (comprised here literally of elephants and jackasses) to work together and institute some of the wackiest reforms since Rufus T. Firefly took over Freedonia. Betty Boop for President opens with the titular contender out on the campaign trail, whipping up crowds of hippos, dogs, and mice with her plans to lead the country out of the Great Depression. At one particularly spirited rally, she goofs mercilessly on the Democratic and Republican opposition with dead-on impersonations of their respective candidates, her face literally taking on the appearance of the politico she’s zinging. (The Al Smith bit will be lost on all but the most ardent history buffs.) Yes, the plan she outlines smacks of socialism, but it’s easy to sell people on the redistribution of wealth when they can’t come up with the scratch to buy a cup of joe. Voiced by the lovely Mae Questel, Ms. Boop presents her agenda in song: Some of you have
money, The assembly goes lollipops, but Ms. Boop’s chief rival,
a stick figure named Mr. Nobody, is also drawing crowds with his do-nothing
approach to government: Who will make the
taxes light? Though this guy ought to be applauded for his
straightforwardness (something we get all too rarely from politicians), the
crowd (which includes a thirsty pitcher that’s a dead-ringer for Kool-Aid Man)
responds with hisses, boos, and middle-finger salutes. Needless to say, Mr.
Nobody’s campaign drops like a lead balloon, helping Ms. Boop to be voted in
as commander-in-chief by a Reaganesque landslide. She immediately takes to
cleaning up the streets: little privacy fences are put up around fire hydrants
so dogs can do their business without grossing out the passersbys. The most
inspired bit involves President Boop’s solution to dealing with violent
criminals: a modified electric chair that doesn’t fry the offender but rather
turns him into a limp-wristed sissy. The ‘toon ends with the image of a beer
stein superimposed over the drunken merriment at Boop’s inaugural doings. In 1932, this
was a clear plea for the repeal of prohibition and an endorsement of its chief
proponent, FDR. Since we don’t have a man of Roosevelt’s caliber seeking
office in the next election, I think I might write in Betty Boop’s name. God
knows she has as good a shot as Bob Barr. October 5, 2008 “Betty Boop for President” Review. © Copyright 2008 by Edward Larsen Terkelsen. All rights reserved.
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