Thirst
Reviewed by Edward Larsen Terkelsen

Canada, NR, 91 m, 2008
Directed by Jeffrey Lando. Stars Lacey Chabert, Tygh Runyan, Mercedes McNab, et al.

The one and only blurb on the DVD case for Jeffrey Lando’s Thirst says it’s like “Open Water in the desert.” As a rule, a movie that has to reference another movie in order to stimulate rentals ain’t worth the salt in the fixer to process it, but Thirst is an exception. (We really shouldn’t knock its minor-league distributor, First Look International, for doing whatever it must to compete with the big boys’ aggressively marketed pap.) The comparison to Open Water is fitting, though, because both pictures set everyday people against a force that could have Gaira and Sanda for lunch and still have plenty of room for seconds: Mother Nature.

Aside from a couple of jarringly bad cuts early in the first act (which I don’t feel the need to spend any time lingering over), Thirst is a well-crafted—and very compelling—story of survival. It starts out with Tyson (Brandon Quinn), an L.A. fashion photographer, taking his latest find (and partenaire sexuel), Atheria (Mercedes McNab), into an area of the desert known as “Devil’s Children” for a bikini shoot. Tagging along are Bryan (Tygh Runyan), Tyson’s best friend, and Noelle (Lacey Chabert), Bryan’s other half. Noelle, who’s studying to become a doctor, is pregnant, but she has yet to share the news with her husband, mainly because he’s been acting like such a Crabby Appleton of late. I suspect part of that might have to do with the fact that he’s wiped out (after all, he’s the one slaving away at some soul-sucking job or another to put Noelle through medical school), but what’s really cheesing him off is that he hasn’t scored with his wife in over a month. No wonder he’s as happy as Larry to hold the bounce board for Tyson as he photographs Atheria in a teensy-weensy swimming suit: the experience will make for a nice deposit in his spank bank.

I won’t disagree that a lot of that stuff comes off as trifling, perhaps even silly, but most of it does serve a function: the banality that directs these kids’ lives will finally be put into its proper place by a bad moon on the rise. For no sooner than they begin their long trek back to civilization in Tyson’s black Blazer, a wolf appears in the middle of the road, practically defying Tyson to hit it. Tyson veers off in time to spare the wolf, but his vehicle ends up taking a nosedive into a deep ravine. With their only means of transportation totaled, our friends are, metaphorically speaking, stuck in Adebisi’s pod sans shank. I mean, talk about being ill-prepared: here they are surrounded by mile after mile of nothing but baking sand and rock, and all they have in the way of provisions are a couple of bottles of water and some Tic Tacs. To make matters worse, Atheria (whose name is as phony as her tits) bonked her head in the wreck and is now suffering from the mother of all subdural hematomas. Since none of her traveling companions can grab a strong enough signal on their mobile phones to summon her help, it’s up to Noelle to put her education to the ultimate test by performing a quick and dirty craniotomy. Using a screwdriver and a rock, she’s able to crack Atheria’s melon and deflate the sack of black goo beneath. It’s not a particularly graphic scene, but Lando (who also directed the amusing Decoys: The Second Seduction) is so good at ratcheting up the intensity that even a hardened cuss like yours truly had to look away. (The great horror shows of yesteryear succeeded in spite of not being allowed to pile on the blood and guts, and while I wouldn’t say that Lando is in the same league as Tod Browning or James Whale, he does understand that in this genre less is often more.) Unfortunately, Noelle’s efforts provide Atheria only temporary relief before she loses her sight and croaks. (Just as well. I don’t think I could’ve handled her whining Willie Scott-style about frizzed hair and broken nails for two hours.)

Well, it doesn’t take long for those who are left to realize that waiting around for someone to save them isn’t much of a plan, so they head for home on foot. After depleting their water supply in less than two days, they become thirsty enough by the third day to drink their own urine. Why, they even take turns sucking the blood out of a dead rattlesnake. And all the while that godforsaken wolf is shadowing them, licking its chops. (What the hell does it drink, by the way?)

Thirst is little more than a long death march; the suspense, of course, lies in who will live to tell the tale. (You really ought to pull for Noelle, if for no other reason than she’s heavy with child.) But as riveting as it is to watch these characters struggle against the elements, my favorite moments in Thirst are the softer ones. I especially liked the long, intimate conversation between Bryan and Noelle during their first night in the desert. It’s shot without any cuts and performed by Runyan and Chabert with a heartrending purity that takes you by surprise. 

August 28, 2010

© Copyright 2010 by Edward Larsen Terkelsen. All rights reserved.

Lacey Chabert